Saturday, January 23, 2010

Right Place Right time

Today started like any other Saturday. Hubby got up with the baby the first time he got up, and I got up around 6am with him for the day. Made coffee, watched the news blah blah blah.
We went over to my grandmothers for a bit to visit. My Uncle told me that he had bought a new car, so I asked if he needed help picking it up. We decided that we would meet him in Portsmouth around 6:30.
Hubby and I went to Target, and then to visit my in-laws for a while. We left around 5:40 to meet my Uncle in Portsmouth. On the way there, I played games on the phone, and read directions to the hubby.
We were just short of a mile away from our destination when all of a sudden my husband says....
"oh no"
So I am thinking...did we miss the turn? He continued "I think you might want to call 911"
Because I was still thinking that maybe we missed our turn I did not comprehend right away...So I said "why?"
He said, "because there is woman back there laying in the road"
It took me another minute to comprehend...its not every day there is a Woman laying in the road.
So I dialed 911, and told my husband to turn around. Honestly most of the conversation with the operator is kind of a blur...I am giving her the cross streets of where my husband saw the woman,...As we turned around a police officer passed. I told my husband to flash him, he flashed him the whole time until we got back to where he saw the woman. (honestly it was probably 10 seconds 15 max, but it felt like forever.) We pulled over, but the police officer kept driving. I had my husband pull over, and pull behind the woman, but stay kind of in the road, so that if anything was going to get hit it would be our car, and not the woman.
All the while I had a million things racing through my head.
Please let her be awake, if not awake please at least let her be breathing...
I get to her with the operator asking me all kinds of questions. "Are you okay?" Her response "I don't know" Actually that was her answer to everything I asked her. "What happened?, What is your name? Does anything hurt?"
I told my husband to take his coat off and put it over her, as she was only wearing a t-shirt!, she was laying in snow, so I also took my coat off, and put it under her arms to try to get her skin off of the cold.
I looked down and noticed she had some type of medical bracelet on. I found her name, and asked her if that was her name. She said yes. The police officer we had been flashing was back, and asked what was going on. He then realized that we were the ones that were flashing him. Looking at the other side of the bracelet we learned that she was a resident at a nursing home. The nursing home happened to be right behind me...boy did I feel dumb.
The police officer sent my husband up to the nursing home to see if they were missing a resident. Of course none of them realized they were missing anyone. As the officer is asking the woman if she is in pain, and how this happened a light went off in my head.

OH MY GOD, my son is in the car. I ask the police officer if I can go move my car....I don't want my car hit because I don't want anything to happen to him. The ambulance was pulling up, and I felt like the world worse mom ever. Who gets out of their car, and tells their husband to leave it kind of out in the road so a woman does not get hit with her son in the car? I went and moved the car, and he was sound a sleep.

Workers from the nursing home were now coming down, all kind of getting in the way of the ambulance drivers. They had come down with a wheel chair, I assume just hoping to get her inside and forget it all happened, but while the officer was talking with the woman she said that her neck hurt, so the ambulance took her to the hospital.
As she was being put into the ambulance the nurses from the home had the nerve to say "Have a nice trip see you soon"

How can you possible have a nice trip to the hospital?
All I could think of is how happy I am that my uncle is able to stay with my grandmother, and that she has constant round the clock care.

I am glad my husband saw the woman, and I hope that other than being cold nothing was wrong.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Best Feeling

The best feeling in the whole wide word, is holding my sweet little boy in my arms. Watching him sleep, wondering what he is dreaming about as he breaks out into a big smile. Is he dreaming of fishing on a warm Sunday Afternoon? Swimming in the ocean basking in the sun? Skiing in Switzerland on Christmas break? Perhaps he is dreaming of driving for the first time, or eating cinnamon buns on a Christmas morning? Playing with Tonka Trucks, or scoring a winning goal. Maybe he is just dreaming of smiling in the sun having a picnic.

Whatever he is dreaming of, I hope I can give him that and so much more. Because I love him. More than I ever thought I could love another human being.

So sweet dreams my little one. Mommy Loves you

Sunday, January 17, 2010

If Anyone has the right its me!

So it is always a touchy subject when trying to decide who would be in the room when giving birth. There are many people that expect that they will be there, there are those, that would be okay either way, and there are those that do not want to be anywhere near the screaming mother to be.

When I was pregnant I decided that my Grandmother, who was more of a mom to me than my mother ever was, my cousin, who was a lot like a sister while growing up, and still now. We are able to finish each others sentences, and we are just very close. I also would have liked my Uncle to be in the room. He has been a very big part in my upbringing, and he was a great roll model.

While I was in labor a whopping 25.5 hours, my husbands family, and my family got to know one-another very well. We called people very early in the process because I was progressing very quickly. However when I got to 9 cm, I just stopped progressing...it took another 18 hours for me to get to 10 cm and be ready to push.

Well My husband's Dad, Step-Mom, half sisters, and half brother, his Mother and Step-Father,my mom, and my Uncle were in the waiting room waiting for the baby to be born and get a glimpse our new little Prince.

What we heard at first was that everyone got along very well. My husband and I always get a little nervous about all of those people in the same room, to say the least there are many hard feelings.

Well as time goes on I hear more and more things that were said. My husband's mom come to find out, was very upset that she was not invited into the birthing room. She even went as far as to say that if anyone had the right to be in the birthing room, that it was her and my mother.

Now I have a question...when did it become a right to see my Vagina? As far as I am concerned no one has the RIGHT to see my Vagina, not even my husband. I believe that it requires a VIP, Invitation only!

I won't get into everything that I have learned over the weeks that was said, but I will say this....the world does not revolve around my mother in law! I am sorry that the object of of my husbands affection is no longer her, but he is married, he has a wife and son. It would be extremely creepy if she was still his main focus.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Date Night

Tonight was our first official "date night" I have to admit it was not as exciting as I would have liked it to be.
At the beginning of the week we decided we would take some of our gift cards from Christmas (the grandparents ploy to get Jonny for an evening) So we called up One of my Mother-in-laws, and asked if she would watch him for a few hours....of course she said yes.
I am not sure why but I had a pit in my stomach all week about it...something did not feel right. I am sure it is just the crazy mother in me being over protective, and nutty. Besides I have left him with my uncle so I could run to the store, or to my doctors appointment. But, this time was different. This was not necessary trip..it was pleasure (at least it was supposed to be) so I think a part of me felt guilty.
So as my husband says, I packed up everything but the kitchen sink to bring him over to Nana Rock's house. I got there, picked him up from his chair, and I didn't want to put him down. I told her all of the essentials, and of course she said "I know don't worry about it, I got it" I am sure she does...after all she raised my son, BUT I am the mommy and I know what he likes!
We get in the car, and not even 10 minutes later I really want my husband to call his mom and see how my baby is doing. He gets me to agree to wait until we get to the restaurant. My stock was in such knots by the time we go there I was not sure I was even going to be able to eat.
We get there and there is an HOUR wait. So we decide to wait. After all we had gift certificates! i told the hubby that there was probably no way we would make a movie due to this wait, but he said that we would be fine.
I did things to keep my mind busy. Check out facebook on my cell, watch movie trailers, play spider solitaire. If I was not doing this I was thinking about my boy...was he crying, was he hungry, was he sad?...finally it's time for us to sit.
My husband somehow convinced me to wait until we got seated for him to call his mother, so we sat, we ordered drinks, and finally he got up and called his mom. I literally sat on the edge of my seat. He came back and said that the report was that Jonny was doing fine, and we were to enjoy our dinner and movie.
That's when my Peach Sangria was delivered to the table. After two of those I was definably feeling more relaxed and calm.
Dinner was nice, my husband and I actually had some conversation. Something that most of the week we lack completely! I love my son, but I also love conversation, I need that human interaction. Something that does not include grunting (at least not all the time) crying, or screaming. Our routine has become very routine, and does not include much time for each other anymore.
After dinner we headed to the theater. My husband dropped me off at the door because there was not a parking spot anywhere within sight. I got out of the car and headed to the door, while my husband went to find a parking spot miles away.
When I walked in I was herded much like animals are, to the far side of the theater where a hundred other people were already waiting in line. I call the hubby and tell him there is probably no way we are going to see a movie (I told you so) but none the less I will stand in line and let him be the judge when he gets in. As I am waiting I hear people saying what movies were already sold out....
Up in The Air
Sherlock Holmes
Day Breakers
The Blind Side
Avatar (I personally have no interest in seeing this, but come on it has been out for a month!)
Leap Year
The Lovely Bones
as I get up to where I can see what is sold out I see Invictus is sold out, The Spy Next Door, and Alvin and the Chipmunks...Yep I think everything is sold out. Wait Wait there is one with a time frame of what we are looking for that does not say sold out...so I look over to the left side and I see that The Princess and the Frog is not sold out!
We decided to skip the movies for tonight. We headed over to TJMaxx, again had some more conversation, bought some things for the boy that I can't stop thinking about, looked at some things that we defiantly don't need, as well as things that I don't think anyone could possibly need or want. We had fun we joked...who would have thought that was all it would take to have a good evening. Hubby hates to shop but he stuck it out pretty well.
We got in the car and he called his mom to let her know we were on our way home. I think she was a little disappointed that we were already on our way home, but she told him he had been very good, but was fighting going to sleep.
Again I get myself all worked up...he has never slept anywhere but at home unless he was with me in bed.
We got there, and he was fast asleep...we packed him up, and now he is all snuggled up sound asleep in his bed.

Pulse

So this morning I get up and get moving. I have been a little concerned about Jonny (it has just occurred to me that I have never mentioned my baby's name here before. Not sure why, so this is the official introduction of my son Jonny)
Anyway...I have been a little concerned about Jonny since his shots on Tuesday. He has been overly sleepy, for the fist couple of days he was running a low fever (99.6 ish) and the last 2 days he has felt a little congested to me.
This morning he was a little fussy, so I held him close to cuddle and his head was right under my chin, and I could feel a pulse. I took him away from me and looked at his head, and I could see, physically see a pulse on the top of his head where his soft spot was.
Me being the crazy worry wart that I am kind of freaked out. It almost looked like his brain was going to pulse right out of his head. I have been around alot of babies....I have a nephew, and 5 cousins and I have NEVER felt a pulse on the top of any of their head not to mention FEEL it.
I immediately hopped on the computer...because you know everything you read there is true! "I typed in Pulse with Soft Spot" and got all kinds of things...all saying that it was normal.
Phew I can breath again!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Clean Sheet night.

So I am sitting here watching TV, thinking about finally getting up and taking a shower before going to bed. Tonight is clean sheet night. I love clean sheet night almost as much as I love cheesecake.
Then I suddenly realize....Hubby went to the gym today. He came home, we had dinner, he put on his sweat pants, watched some tv, and then went to bed.
Does anyone else see the missing step here?
That's right. He DIDN'Tshower!! He has completely ruined clean sheet night for me! How am I supposed to enjoy clean sheet night when I go to bed when they won't be clean when I get there?

Sleepy

The babes got his 2 month shots yesterday. He got three shots and had to drink something too. The doc said that possible side affects could be fever, redness and swelling at the injection sight, sleepiness, or fussiness.
Well yesterday he did really well. His thighs were a little swollen, but he was not real fussy, he didn't get a fever, and he didn't seem overly sleepy.

However, he must have been mad at me for letting the nurses stick him with those needles, because he did not wake up for our 2 O'clock for our usual date. In fact the hubs woke up at 230 to go to work (I think that's what time it was) and the baby didn't wake up then either. I saw the clock at 4am, looked at the video monitor and my little angel was still fast asleep. 5:56 and I hear him. I had to rub my eyes and take a double look...was it really 5:56...in fact it was now 5:57.
Well he drank his bottle, burped and got his diaper change. He was asleep by 8AM. I put him in his crib. 9:00 went by, and not so much as a peep, 9:30, and then 10:00. Well at 10:00 I woke him up. I figured if I didn't he would not want to take an afternoon nap, then he would want to go to bed early, and that would mean a super early morning for me.
10:00, he ate, burped, I changed his diaper, and he was snoozing in my arms by 11:30. I laid him down and he woke up. This was great for me as I didn't really want him to sleep. Well in the next 20 minutes all he did was cry. He was fussy, rubbing his eyes and kicking his feet. 10 minutes later at 12 noon he was asleep again in my arms.
It was not doing either of us any good trying to keep him awake. He was miserable, and I hate to hear him cry. So I cuddled with him on the couch baby ah. The last I saw the clock it was 1:15. Hubs got home at 2:45 and tnd I both woke up.
Again baby was sleeping by 4:00. Well this went back and forth for a while. He had a low fever throughout the day. Bathed him around 7, and by 8:00 he was fast asleep again. Looks like it will be an early morning.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Mommy Mornings

My husband is kind enough to get up with the boy on weekends. These "nights" consist of Friday night and Saturday night. This is very kind of my husband because he works all week, and I am a stay at home mom. It is kind of my "break" and opportunity to catch up on some sleep.
On a typical night for Mommy, my sweet, charming, little boy goes to bed between 9 and 9:30. He sleeps about 5-6 hours, and then he is up. It is for a quick feeding. 4 ounces fills his belly. Time for a burp, and a diaper change. Then I swaddle him up, put him in his crib with his binky kiss him good night again, and go out to the living room waiting for the first time he starts to cry. I usually have to make 2-4 trips back to the crib to give him his binky before he is ready to accept defeat to the sandman.Usually I am able to get back into bed around 4 or 5.
Then hubby gets up for work around 6. Baby sleeps through him getting ready for work, showering, eating breakfast and whatnot. Then for some reasona s soon as Daddy leaves the house, Baby wakes up. So I did get another 2 to 3 hours of sleep...broken sleep between the alarm clock and shower, but sleep none the less.
A typical night for Daddy from what I can recall, and from what I gather from my husband:
Baby goes to bed between 9 and 9:30. We usually go to bed right away if not within an hour. Baby sleeps 8 to 8.5 hours! Daddy feeds him 4 ounces, burps baby, changes his diaper, swaddles him up, and puts him in his crib. Daddy may have to go in 1 or 2 times to give him his Binky, and then hubby is back in bed. His routine uaually takes 35-40 Minutes. I know this because I see the clock when he gets up to feed the baby, as well as when he comes back to bed. Then Baby goes back to bed for another 2 to 3 hours!!

So this morning when I heard the baby screaming in the monitor, I looked at the clock...It said 2:30 AM. So he got about 5 hours of sleep. So I sat up, took in a deep breath, and thought to myself...he just likes seeing me more than he does Daddy! I smiled, and went and fed my little monster.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Rough Start

So my new year resolution was to lose weight. I started the year off to a good start. I was eating well, and working out at least every other day. Then I went to the doctor to have them look at my repair from birth, and I had to have some new stitches as mentioned in an earlier post I was told no major activity, or intercourse for 14 days!
Well I still should have watched what I was eating, I didn't. At dinner last night I had pasta and mozzarella sticks, after having pasta for dinner. Then when I got home my husband gave me peanut butter cookies.
I got on the scale yesterday before dinner and I had not gained any weight. So, I am not going to get on the scale this week, as today is a new week, and yet another new beginning for me.
My goals for this week are

Drink at least 64 oz of water. I have not been good about my water intake, and it is important for my health as well as for my son as I am breast feeding him.
Watch what I eat and I don't just mean looking at it on the fork before it goes in my mouth.
Make better decisions at the grocery store If its not in the house, I can't eat it

I hope to at least maintain my weight, or even lose some. Then next week I will be able to begin working out again.

Daddy Day Care

Last night was the first time that the hubby was home alone with our little one. I know he was nervous but I have to admit that I think I was far more anxious and worried.
Not because I don't think he can do it, but more because I know he doubts himself that he can do it.
I drove 45 minutes away from home to have dinner with a friend. I took my phone out 5 times, but I was good and also put it away 5 times. I got to the restaurant 5 minutes early, I sat in my car, and I just kept looking at my phone.
I needed to call and make sure everyone was happy and healthy, and no one was screaming or crying, including my husband. I didn't want my husband to think that I didn't believe in him, or think that he could not do it. So for the last time before going in the restaurant I looked at my phone, put it on vibrate, and tucked it into my pocket.
For dinner we ordered pasta and mozzarella sticks, as well as a glass of sangria. At the time I should have been thinking about what my two boys were doing at home, and wondering if the house has yet caught on fire, but instead after ordering all I could think of was "weighing in" the next day.
I was feeling guilty about what I was eating, but that feeling was squashed but the thought of what my husband was eating for dinner, or if he was eating at all. I know from being a stay at home mom, that it can be hard to meet my child's needs, and try to get a meal in.
Well I laughed and had fun with my friend over dinner. Talking about what is new in our lives, and what our past times have been. For her it was working, and working out, Me it was Breastfeeding, and changing diapers. Not quite the same, but probably equally as boring.
It was very nice to have an evening with out the baby and my husband, but I felt guilty for thinking this way. That is why as soon as I sat in my car, and closed the door I called home.
Phone rang a few times...is that a good sign or a bad sign...was he going to answer? 4 rings...have then been forced from the house due to some disaster? 5 rings...is he hiding the screaming baby so that I do not hear him? After 6 rings my husband finally answered the phone. Phew. Even better is I hear no screaming, no crying, not even a muffled scream from a baby in a far away room. AND my husband did not sound flustered or frustrated. He tells me everything has been "okay" to me that means things were a little rough, but he pulled though. He told me he was watching a movie, and so I told him I would let him go.
I got home and daddy was on the chair watching a movie, the dog was on the back of the couch, and my son...Yep he was still breathing, sitting in his bouncy chair as happy as can be! Phew

I knew he could do it, but I was nervous none the less. After-all it was the first time I left my baby with his first time daddy.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Ouch- repairing a repair

So when I had my son I had to have an episiotomy. I didn't want to, I really wanted to have a natural child birth, however that ALL flew out of the window when my blood pressure sky rocketed to 190/100.

So when my blood pressure jumped up I was bed bound, and I could not manage the pain in bed. Every contraction felt like a train was running me over, and I could not jump out of the way because I was tied to the tracks.

My Labor lasted a total of 25 hours, with 5 hours of pushing. I was so tired I honestly didn't think I could push anymore, so the doctor cut, and helped to get his head out.

Anyway a few weeks after giving birth I noticed that my repair just didn't feel right. So at my 6 week check up I mentioned it to my midwife. She showed me with a mirror. It was kind of like a huge skin tag. Kinda looked like the thing that hangs from a turkey.
I looked it up, the actual part that I am speaking of is called: Major Caruncles: Large and fleshy Engorged with blood during the spring

So anyway, I decided that there was NO way I was going to let my husband see it, and that it had to go. There was not the option to just have it stitched back where it belonged so I insisted that it be removed. At the appointment I was seeing my midwife, and she did not know what would need to be done to repair it, so I made an appointment for the next week with a doctor, which happened to be yesterday.

So I was a little nervous for a couple of reasons. The first and biggest reason was that the doctor would say that there was nothing that could be done. I know they say that your body is never the same after child birth, but I never heard of a transformation that would make you look like an animals face! I mean come on there has to be a limit! The second reason was the unknown, I didn't know if it would hurt, if it was going to require surgery, and I didn't know if getting it fixed would hurt like it did after delivery.

So the doctor comes in and is a little confused as to why I was there. She sees on the chart that I was in just last week. So she says "Okay what are we doing today"

So I had to tell her that I needed a repair for her repair. She took a look and pointed out what she thought I was talking about. She looked at it a little strange and then she told me she could cut it off.

Right away I thought ouch, but thank God! So she goes to get the "equipment" She walked in with an arm full of stuff. Right away she told me that it looks like alot of equipment, but she would probably not need it all, it was just in case...phew.

So I lay down, put my legs into the stirrups, and she tells me what she is doing...part of me wishes she would just do it, get it over with, instead of saying "Okay now you are going to feel my touch, Now you are going to feel cold and wet, and I wash the area. Okay now....

Ouch! It burns it burns!.........wait now I don't feel anything. Phew
15 minutes later she shows me a big chunk of skin and tells me no sex for 14 days......Wait I didn't sign of for that...I just got the all clear last week, and because I had my birth control inserted, in turn making me bleed I had not had sex yet!

So I got a little more pain than I bargained for, but in 2 weeks I will be able to have sex, and I will not have a Major Caruncles hanging from my crotch

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Next Einstein

Okay, So I am sure that every parent in the world thinks they have one of the smartest children on earth, however I am truly pretty sure that I do.

So I have an 8 week old son, and he is at the stage where he is more awake and alert, however he needs stimulation, and entertainment from other humans, and sometimes the family dog. He is not yet at the stage where you can give him a toy, or set him on an activity mat and be amused.

I am a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) and contently have to find ways to help keep my little boy content. He does not find Peek-a-boo funny yet. I know this because I attempted to play with him, he looked at me all wide eyed as if to say Mom are you Ill? and then he proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs. So, I talk to him in a baby voice, and say words that don't quite make since. I give him zirbits (other people call it raspberries I believe), go from the swing, to floor time, to sitting in a bouncy seat with the vibrations and music playing, doing exercises, and the easiest way to help him be content eating.
Even though that sounds like a lot, often any given activity will only last minutes, if I am lucky. So the other day while speaking to him in a baby voice I stuck my tongue out at him>Instant smile on his face. This was not just a little grin, but an ear to ear mouth open smile. The kind that just melts my heart. So I kept doing it, and today for the first time ever I hear a gasp in for air ...he giggled! Ok, so he half giggled, but that is closer to a giggle than we ever have been before. Then out of nowhere he sticks his tongue out!!!

So surely it is just a coincidence right? So I stick my tongue out again...again he smiles and then licks his lips...looks like he is sticking his tongue out at me.....

So later when my husband gets home, I tell him how brilliant our son is. He is on the computer typing away at something, and kinda gives me the "ha cool" So I stick my tongue out at my son, and I get an instant smile from him again, the big ear to ear mouth open smile. I laugh out loud, and my husband looks over. Again I tell him how brilliant our son is, and if he watches he will see for himself. So it took about 10 seconds of me sticking my tongue out at my son and he does it. First he kinda just licks his lips, but then he is really sticking his tongue out!
We both had a good laugh about it and my hubby continued what he was doing on his computer, and I talked to my son telling him he had a big smile etc.

Well when my husband gets up to go to bed, he walks over and sticks his tongue out at our little one. He gives a big smile, and out comes his tongue.

Now I am a first time mom, but it seems pretty cool that my 8 week old son is copying us when we stick our tongue out at him. Now I know that there is still a big chance that him sticking his tongue out when he did happened by pure chance, but for now I will just continue to think that he is the next Einstein. Cant wait for him to mimic other things, on second thought...that may get me into trouble!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Smile I could not live without

Have you ever woken up, and just had this overwhelming feeling that something is wrong, that something is not quite right?

Well after last night I can now say that I have. I had not been sleeping well to begin with. When I got pregnant my husband and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom. Things would be tight, however to us it would be so worth it. I could not see paying somone most of my check so that they could raise him. I would be working to pay for child care, and I just didn't want to do it. Well things have been a little tighter than we thought it would be, however we still make ends meet. A few weeks ago I started to look for something part time, however right now is just not the time to find work. Well yesterday I found out that there was a full time position where I was working prior to leaving to have my son. I am very torn about what to do. Continue to stay home, and have things tight, or go back to work so that I can assure that if something comes up I will be able to provide my son with the things he needs, as well as have some extra spending money to do fun things.

Well, I woke up a little after 1AM, and I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I got up went to the bathroom because for some reason any time I wake up I need to go to the bathroom before I can do anything else. Then I got back into bed, and looked at the video Monitor I have for my sons room. I always look to watch him breath.

I don't know why, but now that I have a child my biggest fear is SIDS. Like I said I don't know why, I have never known anyone that died of SIDS, or anyone that has had a child die from it.

When my little one was only 3 weeks he got a cold that made it hard for him to lay flat and breath, he was fussy and did not sleep much. I made the big mistake of putting him into my bed. If he was not propped onto a pillow, or his head resting in the crook of my arm he did not sleep. Because he was in bed with me I did not sleep well, because I was a little worried about falling asleep with him next to me, even though everything I had read tells me that there are almost no deaths compared to the amount of people that co sleep with their child.


Up until I put him in my bed he had been sleeping in a bassinet in my room. If I ever woke when he was not up, I could just lean over and feel his chest rise and fall. When I put him in bed, I got very used to listening, and feeling him breath. Honestly I think it took me so long to get him into his room because it was more reassuring for me. It was not so much about his comfort anymore.

As I neared time for my 6 week check up, I finally decided that it was time to get him out of my bed, and put into his crib. After all I was hoping to get the all clear from my 6 week check up. The first few nights were a little rough for me, as if he got startled he would end up flinging his arms around, and he would wake him self from startling himself. Finally I found something called a swaddler. This is a blanket that wraps around him, and keeps him snug so that he is not able to starttle himself. So then I started rocking him to sleeping, then putting him in his swaddler and putting him to bed. It was a miracle he started to sleep 4-6 hours in his own crib! Then my husband read that it is best to try to let him sooth himself to sleep. He told me that if I didn't do it now, he would want to be rocked to bed later when he gets older. Again I was selfish and I did not want to do it. I wanted to snuggle with him and help him fall asleep by comforting him. Well my husband finally talked me into it, and much to my surprise we only had to give him his binky 3 times, and he was asleep. The nights that followed he soothed himself to bed, and we didn't even have to go in and give him his binky.

Anyway, so I wake up at 1 AM, get up and go to the bathroom, hop back into bed, and start watching the monitor, and I can't see him breathing. Could it be that I am tired and not seeing right? I decided not to take a chance, and I went into his room. I put my hand on his chest, and I didn't feel him breathing. I repositioned my hand, and still nothing. So I put the back of my hand to his cheek, and it was cold.

I immediately went into panic mode. I ripped the swaddler off of him as fast as I could, and still not a peep from him, he didn't even move!

I panicked, and I screamed his name, put my hand on his chest and shook him like you would shake someone to wake them up.

Finally a breath of relief (however my heart was still pounding, and I was almost hyperventalating) He reached above his head and gave a big stretch, and a small grunt, almost as to say "Mom, what are you doing? I am sleepy"

I started to cry, I had so many emotions running through me. Going from complete panic, to pure happiness, and instant relief.

Every part of me wanted to scoop him up, hug him as tight as I could, and then take him to bed with me. However because it took so long to get him out of my bed, and into his crib on a decent schedule I decided that it was not fair to change his schedule for my comfort.

I gave him his binky, and got him snug in his swaddler, and he was pretty much sleeping already. I stood there and just watched him breath for 10 minutes. The whole ordeal felt like it took forever, but it was actually less than 30 minutes, because when I got back into bed it was only 1:30.

I was still very uneasy, and kept watching the monitor. Finally I turned the TV on, and turned away from the monitor. Afterall he was going to be up in 2 hours if he kept to his schedule.

when he woke up a littler after 3:00 I picked him up, hugged him, and told him how much I love him. Of course he was crying because all he wanted to do was eat. So I fed him, and when it was time for him to burp, I sat him up, and he gave me the biggest smile. I started to cry again, and told him I don't know what I would do if I never saw his beautiful smile again. He is sleeping again, and will be up about 3 hours for the day, and I can't sleep.

I am so happy that he is okay.


The smile I just could not live without.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Time to Shed

Okay so as I said in my last post, a little over a year and a half ago I weighted 178 lb. In November right before I had my son I weighed a whopping 292lb.

Three weeks after I had him I was down to 262, however I have been stuck there ever since. Last week I finally got the go-ahead to start exercising again. So this morning after feeding the baby, and giving him some floor time, I put him down for a morning nap, and I put in the Slim in 6 DVD.

I cant believe how out of shape I am! When I was in High School I was a size 6 and I am ashamed to say that post baby I am a 22! All that extra weight really makes it harder to move, and harder to breath.

After today I know that it is time to lose weight. Time to give up the mint Oreo's that got me through my sweet craving pregnancy, root beer, and french fries.

My doctor tells me that my ideal weight is 150-160 pounds.
I need to lose over 100 lb to be at the ideal weight. I can't even imagine what I would look like at that weight, however I would love to find out.

I am going to take weekly pictures, and hope to see progress, however I will spare you guys the pain, and I will not be posting them here.

The biggest reason that I want to lose weight is because I want to be healthy, and I want my son to be healthy. If he grows up seeing me eat junk, and my weight contently yo -yo, than he will be destined to do the same.



















178Lbs















Nearing 290LBs.

A Bit of History

Now let me begin by telling you that in 2007 I was at an all time heaviest weight of 228lbs. I got engaged in August and, went on a cruise with some family in November of 2007 and when I got back and looked at the pictures I was disgusted with myself. I decided that I NEEDED to do something before my wedding which was set for August of 2008. Some of my family members had done the MediFast diet and had huge success with it. So, I called my aunt up who sold it at the time, and ordered a month and a half worth of the stuff.

The diet (at the time) consisted of shakes, soups, and some bars. Incase you did not think the same thing, there was almost nothing to chew. It was a liquid diet, and not the good kind. However I was disgusted with myself and determined to lose weight.

The first three days were the hardest. Even thought I was "eating" 6 times a day I still felt like I was starving. After the third day I felt pretty good about the diet, and started to feel like I could do it. On Sunday, my weigh in day I got on the scale, biting my nails the whole way, closed my eyes and hoped on. When I looked down, much to my surprise I had lost 7 pounds!!

I was so happy and so excited. The next Month or so each week I only lost 2 or 3 pounds a week, but the weight was coming off. I went to find a wedding dress, and still was a little anxious about what size I would have to try on. To be honest bridal shops dont carry very many "plus size styles" much to my surprise I was able to try on size 14 or 16. I had tried on a 12, but to be honest it made me look like I had a huge butt on my back.
I must have tried on 20-25 dresses, and most of them were pretty, but I did not feel like any of them was the One.

My cousin who was my Matron of Honor talked me into trying a dress that was on Display. If I was there on my own, and if I did not trust her opinion so much I would have never even looked at it. I asked what size it was and they said size 12. I figured I would not be able to even zip it, but I could get a general idea of what it looked like.

I never understood the girls that cried when they found The One, I always thought, I would only cry if you can see my rolls through the dress. Well I came out of the dressing room, and looked in the mirror. I saw the look my cousin had, and I cried. this was The One I decided I wanted it, it didn't matter the cost., but I had to ask anyway. $1200! I know that does not sound like a lot for a wedding dress, but I was only 21, I had just bought a house with my future husband, AND I had a car payment. But this was The One so I was determined to make it happen.

So I picked out a veil, and went to the counter to order the dress. It was going to take 16-20 weeks weeks. It would be in in time for my wedding, but it would really be cutting it close. So I decided to take the one I tried on, and again Make it work.

More than ever I had to crack down and lose weight. So I stuck with the MediFast and lost more weight.

I was the Maid of Honor for my Cousins wedding which was in February. At my first fitting my size 16 dress fit me perfect, I just had to have it taken up a little. I went back 2 weeks later and now I had to have the dress taken in. I went back in 2 weeks, and had to have it taken in again. We were now only a week away from my cousins wedding, so I had to not lose anymore weight. This was a hard concept for me as I had been working so hard to lose weight. I picked my dress up 2 days before the wedding, and it was a little big in the breast area, but I made it work.

After her wedding is was back to losing weight. I had only 6 months to make my size 12 dress fit, and look good (not have a butt on my back) I lost the weight and on my wedding day I weighed 178 lbs.

Well after the wedding that did not last long. I was comfortable with being married, and gained the weight back, plus some. I reached 230lbs! Then in March of 2009 I got the wonderful news that I was pregnant

When I was pregnant with my son I became the biggest I have ever been, a whopping 292. No need to blink and try to clear you sight because you read right

292 lbs

In case you still think you are seeing this incorrectly I will spell it out
Two Hundred and Ninety Two Pounds!!

So begins the quest to lose weight, get in shape, and be the best Mother I can be.