Well after last night I can now say that I have. I had not been sleeping well to begin with. When I got pregnant my husband and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom. Things would be tight, however to us it would be so worth it. I could not see paying somone most of my check so that they could raise him. I would be working to pay for child care, and I just didn't want to do it. Well things have been a little tighter than we thought it would be, however we still make ends meet. A few weeks ago I started to look for something part time, however right now is just not the time to find work. Well yesterday I found out that there was a full time position where I was working prior to leaving to have my son. I am very torn about what to do. Continue to stay home, and have things tight, or go back to work so that I can assure that if something comes up I will be able to provide my son with the things he needs, as well as have some extra spending money to do fun things.
Well, I woke up a little after 1AM, and I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I got up went to the bathroom because for some reason any time I wake up I need to go to the bathroom before I can do anything else. Then I got back into bed, and looked at the video Monitor I have for my sons room. I always look to watch him breath.
I don't know why, but now that I have a child my biggest fear is SIDS. Like I said I don't know why, I have never known anyone that died of SIDS, or anyone that has had a child die from it.
When my little one was only 3 weeks he got a cold that made it hard for him to lay flat and breath, he was fussy and did not sleep much. I made the big mistake of putting him into my bed. If he was not propped onto a pillow, or his head resting in the crook of my arm he did not sleep. Because he was in bed with me I did not sleep well, because I was a little worried about falling asleep with him next to me, even though everything I had read tells me that there are almost no deaths compared to the amount of people that co sleep with their child.
Up until I put him in my bed he had been sleeping in a bassinet in my room. If I ever woke when he was not up, I could just lean over and feel his chest rise and fall. When I put him in bed, I got very used to listening, and feeling him breath. Honestly I think it took me so long to get him into his room because it was more reassuring for me. It was not so much about his comfort anymore.
As I neared time for my 6 week check up, I finally decided that it was time to get him out of my bed, and put into his crib. After all I was hoping to get the all clear from my 6 week check up. The first few nights were a little rough for me, as if he got startled he would end up flinging his arms around, and he would wake him self from startling himself. Finally I found something called a swaddler. This is a blanket that wraps around him, and keeps him snug so that he is not able to starttle himself. So then I started rocking him to sleeping, then putting him in his swaddler and putting him to bed. It was a miracle he started to sleep 4-6 hours in his own crib! Then my husband read that it is best to try to let him sooth himself to sleep. He told me that if I didn't do it now, he would want to be rocked to bed later when he gets older. Again I was selfish and I did not want to do it. I wanted to snuggle with him and help him fall asleep by comforting him. Well my husband finally talked me into it, and much to my surprise we only had to give him his binky 3 times, and he was asleep. The nights that followed he soothed himself to bed, and we didn't even have to go in and give him his binky.
Anyway, so I wake up at 1 AM, get up and go to the bathroom, hop back into bed, and start watching the monitor, and I can't see him breathing. Could it be that I am tired and not seeing right? I decided not to take a chance, and I went into his room. I put my hand on his chest, and I didn't feel him breathing. I repositioned my hand, and still nothing. So I put the back of my hand to his cheek, and it was cold.
I immediately went into panic mode. I ripped the swaddler off of him as fast as I could, and still not a peep from him, he didn't even move!
I panicked, and I screamed his name, put my hand on his chest and shook him like you would shake someone to wake them up.
Finally a breath of relief (however my heart was still pounding, and I was almost hyperventalating) He reached above his head and gave a big stretch, and a small grunt, almost as to say "Mom, what are you doing? I am sleepy"
I started to cry, I had so many emotions running through me. Going from complete panic, to pure happiness, and instant relief.
Every part of me wanted to scoop him up, hug him as tight as I could, and then take him to bed with me. However because it took so long to get him out of my bed, and into his crib on a decent schedule I decided that it was not fair to change his schedule for my comfort.
I gave him his binky, and got him snug in his swaddler, and he was pretty much sleeping already. I stood there and just watched him breath for 10 minutes. The whole ordeal felt like it took forever, but it was actually less than 30 minutes, because when I got back into bed it was only 1:30.
I was still very uneasy, and kept watching the monitor. Finally I turned the TV on, and turned away from the monitor. Afterall he was going to be up in 2 hours if he kept to his schedule.
when he woke up a littler after 3:00 I picked him up, hugged him, and told him how much I love him. Of course he was crying because all he wanted to do was eat. So I fed him, and when it was time for him to burp, I sat him up, and he gave me the biggest smile. I started to cry again, and told him I don't know what I would do if I never saw his beautiful smile again. He is sleeping again, and will be up about 3 hours for the day, and I can't sleep.
I am so happy that he is okay.
The smile I just could not live without.
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